A man approached me, let’s call him Maxim, and told the following story:
“I have been in a very strange state for two months. Anxiety, insecurity, something gnaws at my brain from the inside, strange thoughts about financial instability devour me, thoughts that I have not achieved anything, thoughts that I am wasting time on the wrong things, thoughts that I can’t combine my studies and work. At the level of bodily sensations – hard in the chest and stomach. At the same time, I perfectly understand that there are no extreme events in life and there is nothing to worry about, everything is under control, but I wind up covering myself so that for no reason apathy, lethargy, weakness. I even go to my favorite tennis workouts through strength. Help me figure out what’s wrong with me … “
We agreed to look at Maxim’s situation in the arrangement.
In the image of the arrangement, a leak of energy from Maxim into the family system of his girlfriend Zhanna was revealed. Quite unconsciously, some part of Maxim selflessly and with pleasure was engaged in charity work.
The first thing that had to be done was to “stop” the non-equilibrium relationship with the girl and invite her into new mutually beneficial ones. The technique of “separation of energies” allows you to quickly eliminate the imbalance of energies and restore strength and restore normal relations, where there is no “one-sided game”, where there is no exploitation and use.
The most important emphasis of this work is to get Maxim to understand that “it is not Zhanna who takes something from you and does not pay for it. You yourself supply it, give it away, give it your resource. And we definitely will not educate or remake Zhanna. She is now within the framework of our work – just a sparring partner, just a decoration in which the transformation of you and your mental processes takes place. We are working now with only you.”
The second thing that was done was the processing of guilt. The axiom of exchange in relationships is this. If in a relationship with any person there is an imbalance and not in our favor, we get angry, clarify the relationship, break off such relationships that are not very useful for us. You can feel this imbalance very quickly, sometimes in a matter of minutes.
If the imbalance occurs day after day, week after week, month after month, and a person falls into apathy, weakness, the position of a victim, and does not break off such relations, this means that with the help of such an exploiting partner, he implements the “victim” program or “solidarity with the victim”, or a sense of guilt displaced from another context.
You feel guilty towards person A (who is currently unavailable), but you give, donate the resource to person B (who is nearby and available). In such a peculiar way, the psyche realizes the feeling of guilt. Compensation is made to a completely different person. The external similarity and gender of the characters almost does not matter. The feeling of relief matters. Paid – well, good.
The same principle underlies charity. Nobel earned his money, including selling dynamite, with which many human lives were destroyed.
Let’s return to Maxim’s situation. As it turned out in subsequent tests, Maxim adopted an unconscious sense of guilt from a situation where his mother lost a girl child (miscarriage).
There are several ways in which feelings of guilt can arise. All these explanatory models have a right to exist:
Solidarity with the unborn sister: “Dear sister, how can I be happy when you don’t even get a life. In memory of you, I will suffer and attract negative events and states (to be not quite alive, not quite healthy, not quite happy). Maxim’s apathy and weakness and unwillingness to play sports fit very well into this hypothesis.
Solidarity with the feelings and states of a mother who has lost a child. By the way, the current age of Maxim and the age of the mother who lost the girl coincided to the millimeter, so it is preferable to talk about the so-called “anniversary syndrome”. The mother, unable to endure her feelings about the loss of the girl, handed over part of these experiences to her son for safekeeping, and the son took away part of her grief from her and placed it in himself as in a container. A son reaching the same age as his mother (anniversary syndrome) may turn on a dormant negative program at full capacity. The little devil jumps out of the snuffbox: “A debt!” By the way, the heaviness and pain in the chest and abdomen really turned out to be connected with the experiences of the mother.
The specifics of the subsequent actions in the arrangement:
Maxim saw off his sister, returned her feelings to his mother, left his feelings to himself, the girl Jeanne expressed his deep gratitude for the hint that came precisely from the relationship with her, collected resources (several resource techniques), turned around in his life and walked with a confident step.
Result: General emotional relief, a surge of strength, a denser feeling of one’s body, hands filled with strength, confidence and stability.
Instead of a conclusion
This constellation session is such that everything in it turned out to be important. Dangers were at every turn.
It was possible to fall into condemnation of the partner.
It was possible to remain in a childish position of helplessness.
It was possible to refuse to test the solutions and to pronounce permissive phrases with the mother.
It was possible to blame everyone around, instead of taking care of yourself and your feelings.
But Maxim, fortunately, successfully bypassed these traps and emerged victorious.
We wish him great health, energy, vigor and success in all undertakings and continuations.