When I got pregnant and passed the first stage of addiction and joy, I had to face anxiety of a new scale for the first time. This is a concern for our unborn child. I thought, what if something happens during pregnancy? What if, during childbirth, the midwife drops? How about in the first year? What about in the second year?
A week has passed of living and enduring such anxiety, unexpected and unusual for me. And then an incident happened that changed my view of it.
I heard a story about how a 28-year-old boy had an accident, was in a coma and is now slowly recovering. His mother takes care of him.
The story, at first glance, is not very supportive, but for me it has become a huge resource. When I heard it, I suddenly realized that I was not insured. I do not have insurance with a personal seal and signature from Himself, from God. I can worry about the child during pregnancy, during childbirth, in the first years of life.
But the truth is that at any moment something can happen that will make my fear come true. And this is out of my control.
At that moment, I saw how my life could take two different paths.
The first is that I will worry, worry and worry all my life. I will not be able to rejoice qualitatively, deeply for our child, because I will think, what if happiness ends. And then what?
Control and tell the child how to live correctly from my point of view. Read how safe!
The price of this road is a traumatized child with whom my contact and trust will be broken. Who will not be able to realize himself in life, who will not show his talents and strengths. Or will, contrary to me. I would not want our child to be able to do something contrary to his parents.
The second way is to inhale and exhale. Accept the fact that there is something that is within my control. For example, I can choose a maternity hospital, a pediatrician who will observe our child, a kindergarten, a school. I can learn to support, listen and hear the child with high quality, to be with him in his joys and in his sorrows, to endure and contain his experiences.
And there is something that is out of my control. For example, how a certain driver drives on the roads. Or whether a high-quality vaccine was caught in this series. Or how many degrees are in the water that teenagers drink at a disco or in the yard on a warm May evening.
The price of this road is a good, deep and trusting relationship with our child. This is joy and happiness from the fact that he grows and becomes an adult, is realized, build his relationships, giving him strength, energy. This is a relationship with people and with yourself . Here the child will show his talents and strengths not in spite of his parents, but on the basis of the support that we can give.
The famous American researcher Brené Brown says that it is normal to worry and worry about your loved ones. At this moment, we feel vulnerable. It is important to remember that you can choose between whether it will weaken me or make me stronger.
If we accept our vulnerability and the fact that our zone of control is not the entire globe, then it becomes a strength.
Then we have the power to do what we can actually do and to endure what is beyond our control.
Then we can build a relationship with the child, based not on the basis of fear for him, but on the basis of our love for him.
Ask questions, tell your stories, and I will continue this series with answers to your questions and typical situations. Let’s calm down 🙂