The son has grown and anxiety along with him

A mother has a sense of anxiety for her child from the very birth, and this is normal, otherwise she would not be able to adequately take care of him.

Until the age of 20-21, while the children are with us, we do not feel a strong threat. We have everything under control. Where he was, where he entered, where he went when he came. We extinguish our anxiety by control or overprotection. More often this happens in cases where the family is not complete, or the mother of the child herself was brought up without a father.

To the question: “What are you worried about?” A woman usually says that there have already been cases in her family when a relative died, had an unhappy fate, and drank himself to death. And it really happens that way. The mother can be understood, she wants to protect her child, from such consequences, she can be understood. But the story is that with her comparisons, she puts the fate of a relative on her own son, not sharing at the moment that each person has a priori his own fate. That is, trying to protect, out of good intentions, she unconsciously instills fear for actions and deeds that the child did not commit and perhaps does not try to do, but how could

Not letting our sons go into our own lives, we often transfer our expectations to them for our spouses, or our fathers who have left us. In such transfers, the relationship ceases to develop like a mother-son. The mother has increased expectations, joint plans, she says the word WE, merging with the child. She looks at her son as if she were an adult uncle, projecting her own life onto him, not letting go, but rather instilling a duty.

 A child, because of his love for his mother, often cannot build his personal life or other relationships. He stays with his mother, she is the main figure, he has the function of making her happy.

The exit is where the entrance is: everyone decides for himself what is right for him and what is not: I think it is very important to give the child freedom, the right to choose, respect, his own life, while remaining a mother. Restrain your anxiety, share it, without mixing your son into different stories and the fate of his ancestors. After 21, he becomes unnecessary, while the role of the mother does not disappear anywhere. Do not call and pester with stupid questions: “Have you eaten?” “Do you have food in the fridge?” “Come to me, why do you have to sit there in your apartment.”

event_note September 9, 2021

account_box Winona Tse MD

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